Help children overcoming failures

Dear Editor,
It is a common thing that parents tend to see their mission as helping their kids succeed, but there’s a growing realisation among teachers and other professionals who work with children, that kids increasingly need help while learning how to overcome failure. Not learning to tolerate failure leaves kids vulnerable to anxiety. Pandemic was really harsh for children and during present hour they are in stress and fear of failure since examination are nearby. As parents it is our duty to make them comfortable and make them learn that failure is also a part of life and we must work hard and with full dedication without worrying about the results. Empathize with your child if you see that he or she is in distress. ‘Don’t just say, it’s okay, but say, “You’ll do better next time”. We need to brush off child’s feelings of frustration and disappointment. Parents here need to come forward and say, “I see you’re really disappointed, I know you really wanted to do better you its really OK.” You can explain that failure is a part of life and happens to everyone. You could share examples of failures you’ve had in life. A child’s failure is a chance for parents to teach acceptance and problem-solving skills. Help children to come up with what could be done next time for better results.
Sometimes the children’s fear of failure comes from the desire not to disappoint their parents. Without realising, we can put additional pressure on our kids by using praise in a wrong way.
Constantly praising your child’s accomplishments can easily backfire because it makes them think that you always expect great outcomes from them. This can even make them avoid trying new things because they became afraid not to disappoint you.
A way to prevent this is to focus on efforts instead of the accomplishment. Instead of praising the child for a good grade, praise the efforts they put into getting that grade. Instead of praising the child for their sporting achievements, praise the hard work they put into practicing and the great teamwork they showed. These might seem small changes, but they can make a big difference in their life.
Moreover, as parents, we might be tempted to ‘rescue’, our kids from all the negative experience they might face. Failure is a normal part of life, and kids need to experience it to be able to learn how to deal with it. Instead of ‘rescuing’ the child from failure offer your support to help them deal with it in an effective way.
The most effective way to deal with it is to show unconditional love and support to your child. Make sure that your child knows you don’t expect them to be perfect.
Let them know that your love will never change no matter what mistake the child makes. This will increase your child’s feelings of self-worth and make them more capable of facing failures and disappointments. Most important thing is to make them learn the concept called ‘failing forward’ which in essence means learning from your mistakes. Focusing on the positive aspects of the mistake can make failure a more fruitful experience for the child.
The best thing a parent can do for their child is be there
for them when they make a mistake and show them the
right way to get through their errors.
Dr Anita Raina,
Greater Kailash.